Why homosexual "marriage" is wrong.

Mr. Jones and Mr. Smith are next door neighbors in an upper middle-class neighborhood in England.

Mr. Jones and Mr. Smith are equals in many ways. They have the same income, the same size homes, and both are happily married with two children. But Mr. Jones is a professional hockey player from America while Mr. Smith is a professional figure skater from Canada.

In their neighborhood, it is a great honor to receive a "Best Lawn" certificate from their governing Home Owners Association which is made up of 12 honorable and productive citizens of the community. This certificate is awarded on the first day of each month.

Mr. Jones has carefully grown and groomed his lawn in competition with Mr. Smith, but Mr. Smith has decided to violate the rules of the "Best Lawn" competition and lays down a new form of expensive astroturf in front of his house.

The competition comes and (you guessed it) Mr. Jones wins the "Best Lawn" certificate, complete with a dazzling little placard that sits on the lawn itself. When he sees the placard on Mr. Jones' yard, Mr. Smith becomes jealous and angrily demands an explanation from the HOA.

When the HOA explains to Mr. Smith that his use of artificial grass has disqualified his lawn, he becomes enraged and explains, in great detail, how the cost of his expensive lawn should be considered equal to the time it took for Mr. Jones to grow his. But, even after his detailed presentation, the HOA stands by their decision. An angry Mr. Smith will not accept the HOA's decision and demands a second decision from a neighboring, 31 member HOA.

When the larger, neighboring, 31 member HOA unanimously supports the decision of Mr. Smith's HOA, he becomes even angrier and begins slandering all those that disagree with him by calling them "astrophobes." Mr. Smith begins secretly vandalizing any lawn displaying a "Best Lawn" certificate, and incites others to do so by telling them that he is being discriminated against because he is a Canadian figure skater.

The harassment in the neighborhood becomes so intense that, one-by-one, all of the homeowners move out, and renters move in. And the lawns in the neighborhood begin to look bad. Finally, Mr. Jones moves out and never, ever, ever, again speaks to anyone who thinks that astroturf and natural grass are the same thing.