Monday, December 22, 2014

A casuality of "love".

What carries more weight than the heartfelt experiences and information from an ex-gay person or a person who was “raised” by same-sex “parents”?  Who can reasonably challenge my decision to wash my hands of the glbt community when some same-sex couples put their needs before the needs of their children?  Today, whilst on patrol for material, I discovered a gem of an article by a woman who was victimized by her mother’s lesbian “love”. 

“… I was raised by my biological mother and her same-sex partner. I have only a few fuzzy memories of my father: a phone call here and there, …

… She always knew she was gay and she wanted a chance to be happy with someone she really loved—with a woman.

… There was one need, however, that they could never meet no matter how much they loved me: the need for a father.

… but I cannot pretend that her decision to leave my father and raise me with another woman did not have long-term and devastating consequences for me. I am a casualty of same-sex parenting.

… When you are separated from a parent, for whatever reason, a wound is inflicted upon you. I ached for my father to love me. I ached for the father I knew I would never have. Losing my father was a tragedy in my life and it is a loss that I feel deeply every day. It’s a loss that can be ignored or numbed, for a short time, but never forgotten. Growing up without my dad colored everything about me. I had abandonment issues. I expected and feared that everyone close to me would leave me. Even as an adult I still grieve for what was taken from me. It wasn’t until my husband and I had children and I watched him with our kids that the full weight of what I’d lost with my own father hit me. And it hit me like a ton of bricks. Many people believe that so long as a child has two parents, gender doesn’t matter. But it does. I shouldn’t love my dad, but I do. I should love my “other mom,” but I don’t. I can’t change that, though I’ve definitely tried.

My relationship with my “other mom” was awkward. … I hated the times she would try to parent me by offering me comfort or discipline. I accepted her only as my mom’s partner, not as a parent.

As a child growing up within the gay community, I was exposed to a lot of inappropriate things very early on. From the adult toys and pornographic magnets in the local gay and lesbian bookstore, …

… Her happiness cost me a great deal. We have to recognize that all children of same-sex parents are being raised in brokenness. Something precious and irreplaceable has been taken from us. Two loving moms, or two dads, can never replace the lost parent.

… I was intentionally separated from my other biological parent and then told that “all that matters is love” and “love makes a family”. Love matters, but accepting and promoting same-sex parenting promotes the destruction of families, not the building of families. …”

Full, heartfelt story here.

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